Wednesday, October 30, 2013
In the corner booth...
This afternoon knocked the wind out of me. We got home late from visiting a family member and the kids were restless and overdue for naps. One was teething and one had just been given four cookies before getting in the car, so he was tired and wired. As I laid little girl in bed for a nap, I heard the car alarm going off and rushed downstairs to see Hunter clutching the car key clicker, a satisfied grin on his lips. Of course the alarm made the dog start to howl and run frantically around, which of course made the baby wail from her crib where I had abruptly left her.
A few minutes later, with Hunter in bed as well, I decided to take a quick nap...recharge my battery a little. A minute later the deafening sound of a hammer-drill echoed through our duct work, reminding me that the repair men in our basement were diligently installing a new HVAC system. The drill was followed by the sound of a sledge hammer (perhaps just a hammer? who can tell?) banging the metallic surface of the duct work directly below Brooke's room. Baby cried, dog barked, and the rest is history.
An hour later finds me in the booth of a nearby coffee shop, clutching a steaming cup of decaf and a folded over edition of a parenting book from the 80s. My sweet husband saw the look of desperation (and exhaustion?) in my eyes the moment he walked in the door and promptly herded me to my car, Bible, computer, and books in hand. He knows me. He knows what I need, and the fact that sometimes I don't.
I poured over the pages of my book, looking for nuggets of wisdom and truth. I heard my head tell my heart that it was time to rest, regroup, refocus. "You have two hours so hurry up and chill out."
The irony of my good fortune- the opportunity to be alone, the husband who cares about my sanity, the free pastry on my frequent buyer card at the coffee shop- contrasted to my frantic spirit, is not lost on me. I feel guilty for even daring to say the words "bad day". I am blessed beyond compare and I know it... but lets just put it out there... being a mom is a tough gig.
I realized a few months ago that it was going to take a lot more than my good intentions to raise my kiddos. More than food, clothing, and a warm place to sleep. More than snacks and naps at the appropriate times. More than the perfect blend of outings and days at home, socialization and independent play. More than studying growth charts and mapping out milestones. More than education and verbalizing expectations. More, more, more.
What my mothering needed, needs, and will always need is the living, breathing spirit of the omnipotent God blowing fresh life into my soul every day. I need it like a cool breeze on a hot day. It is the only thing that will satisfy, clarify, and sanctify my efforts. I know this and yet my conversations with God sometimes go this way...
God: What is frustrating you, my dear?
Me: Uh, take your pick God, things are crazy right now...don't you see? Can't you make my kids behave???
God: (Chuckles like a kind grandpa) I will take care of them, but right now we are talking about you.
Me: What about me? I am tired. exhausted. please make the dog stop barking so I can sleep.
God: You don't need sleep, you need Me.
Me: Great, I will get right on that, after I take a nap.
God: Sleep will restore your body, but I will restore your soul...
And then I give in, and then He does.
Sitting in a corner booth, at a coffee shop, with the One who has been waiting patiently all week for me to come, sit, and be with Him...
Why do I always make Him wait?