Coming back.

The day after your baby is born, when you are holding that snugly little bundle in your arms, you start to forget all the tough that got you there. The forgetting begins with labor...that goes first...you know it was painful, long, soul-stretching, and back-breaking, but beyond that knowledge, the rest is history. Give it a few weeks and those nine long months of pregnancy seem like figment of your imagination. Fast forward 8 months and your love tank is so full that only the great and none of the tough even remains in your memory.

 

It's the middle of the summer and you are feeling alive with the arrival of things like vacation, ice cream cones, trips to the beach, and sunshine. You look lovingly at your little boy and husband and think, "I am so ready for another one". Hubby is feeling the same way so you take the plunge. You grab hold of the big present labeled "Pregnancy" and tear the paper off. You are elated that the gift is yours. You fail to read, or even notice the fine print that reads, "Excessive sleepiness and insomnia may ensue upon the opening of this gift. You will feel like getting out of bed in the morning requires Everest-climbing strength, and changing a dirty diaper will make you weak in the knees. You will be so thrilled to be carrying life and yet all you will be able to think about is the warm comfort of your bed and when is naptime anyway?"

A few weeks go by and the fine print proves more than accurate. Laundry piles up, dinner comes from the freezer or better yet from the Chinese restaurant down the street, and dust bunnies grow so big they blow across your living room like tumbleweeds. You become a "napper", that dreaded thing you swore you would never be.

Somethings don't change during this time...that little boy of yours? still makes your heart smile so big you think it will burst...and that hubby of yours? he takes little boy with him to go pick up the Chinese food, which makes you swoon because you can stay on the couch 10 more minutes.

Then something glorious happens. You open your inbox and get an email titled, "Week 13 of your Pregnancy". You read about how baby is growing and how he/she now has fingerprints and weighs an ounce. You read that you are entering your second trimester and you should start to feel better soon. You think to yourself, "Yeah, I do feel a little better today." And whether it is real or the placebo affect you do not know, nor do you care...because you skip your nap that afternoon and make dinner. You can't explain it but you just feel whole again. Your head descends gracefully out of the clouds where it has been hiding for the last few months, and you re-secure it tightly onto your body, because lets face it, you need your head back.

All the while the world has been changing outside your window. The leaves on the trees glow orange, yellow, and red, and the cool air that greets you at the door holds the crisp scent of Autumn. Pumpkin pie cans have been added to the end caps at your grocery store, and pretty fall decorations grace the homes of the people you love.

The fog lifts and you are left in a wonderful season called "fall". You venture out for the first time in weeks with one goal, to buy a pumpkin scented candle. You quickly bring it home and light it. You squeeze your squishy little boy and tell him you love him. You greet your husband with a smile and a kiss when he comes home from work, and tell him, "I'm back babe, I'm back!"

And he smiles and gives a sign of relief because he has missed you.